Worlds Worst Cyclist is Training for a Triathlon

I recently signed up for my first triathlon. At first, I was really excited. The whole reason I bought a bike and learned to ride it 10 years ago was so that I could do a triathlon. Today, I am regretting it.

I hate riding my bike.

I hate carefully taking it out of the garage because I am afraid I am going to bump into a car or garage type thing, I hate getting on it because it is too high and I am afraid to take my feet off the ground (even though it is the correct height to ride), I hate that even though I am wearing my fancy pants, my crouch hurts within about 5 minutes, I hate that my knees burn about 5 minutes after that, I hate that it feels like I am standing still when going up a hill, I hate that I am slow, I hate getting off of my bike because I can't reach the ground, I hate putting my bike back up because I have to carefully walk passed my car....

I do however like that my bike is pink, and I do like that my helmet looks like a watermelon.